I can text with my tongue
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Randomize
