Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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