Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Dignity is for republicans.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize