Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize