If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
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