The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
