normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
