just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
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I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
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My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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