I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize
