Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
