According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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