Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
