I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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