You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
