i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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