Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
