My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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