I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
