i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
