The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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