We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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