i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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