My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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