While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
