are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
