Already got asked if we're dating
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
