I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize
