I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Randomize
