I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I can't turn off my feet"
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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