I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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