so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
