Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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