NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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