shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
