I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
