can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Randomize