Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
