Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
we should paint friendship bongs
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
