I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
