I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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