so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
