is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Randomize
