I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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