i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
