I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
The best revenge is premature balding
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
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