Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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