I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
It's not a walk of shame if you run
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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