I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I just want to make out with him forever
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
