Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
