umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
