If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
