Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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