Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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