I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
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He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
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Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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