Redeem this text for a blowjob
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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