Jerry, you need to find god
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
