I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Use "feeling words"
Yay
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
