My hand turned me down
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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