Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
She's just so happy...and so naked.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Randomize
