I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
