your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
