i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
