I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
