youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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