New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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