So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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