he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
